About takin’ a little sumpin’ from FEW Spirits

April 16, 2012 at 5:17 am


Hey, you. Yeah, it’s me again. I told you about a little visit me and my boys made to FEW spirits a little while ago.

We went back.

Paul Hletko was dere, wit his fancy schmancy “Distiller” shirt on. The big door, where dey used to roll in the cars to chop ‘em up, was open. Paul had his back turned. Made it easy to walk out wit a little sumpin’.

See, da place is full of oak barrels. Dey uses dese barrels to age some of dere whiskeys. Da big guys, dey use da big barrels – maybe 30 gallons or so. But dis guy Paul, he’s new; he wants to get his stuff to market sooner. He uses smaller barrels to get more of the wood stuff into his booze sooner. And it works.

So, dere was an empty barrel there. Already used for his Rye Whiskey. Spoken for by some guy named … huh, I dunno. A five gallon barrel. Poifect for some of the stuff our family’s been producing since the 1920’s. (See, in the 1920’s, if you wanted suds, you had to make the beer yourself. You could get cans of malt extract with instructions that said “Don’t do this, or you’ll be making alcoholic beer.” Not many guys dat we know didn’t do that.)

Dere’s a famous Three Stooges short (it’s wrong, but dey didn’t ask me for any advice … their mistake) with exploding bottles. Their excuse? “We all added the yeast.”

Hletko didn’t need the damn barrel anyways. He can only use dose barrels once, for his whiskeys. But it’ll be good for beers. Maybe a rye stout.

Y’know all those videos that Ken Burns made millions off of, of guys trashing barrels for his Prohibition show? Well, dis is one Ken Burns won’t be filming. We’ve stashed away the barrel where even Ken Burns can’t get to it.

But don’t tell anyone that we let dis Hletko guy swipe our credit card before we ran out wit the barrel. We guys have a reputation to uphold.